My Despair
by SkyeRose
Summary: Despite the title, it's not really all that angsty. Pretty fluffy, actually. What happens when aliens try to force a confession out of Jack? The team pays for it, of course! But...is everything what it seems? Much better than the summary, I promise. SJ!
1. Chapter 1

**My Despair**

**Disclaimer: Only my stuff is mine.**

**A/N: Despite the title, not too angsty, I swear! I don't wanna give anything away…but, not all is as it seems in this story. LOL.**

**ENJOY!!!**

The rain beat down hard on the dark landscape; the only light coming from the huge, primitive bonfires lining the rough outdoor passageway. Lightning cracked the sky and thunder rocked the ground.

"Jack!" Daniel screamed from his position near one of the fires. "Jack! You have to say it!" Daniel and Teal'c were tied together; forced to watch the horrid scene play out.

Jack tried to answer, but the large, claw-like hand wrapped around his neck allowed him no breath. His toes barely brushed the ground as the large alien lifted him easily by the vice grip on his throat. Jack desperately wanted to shout what they wanted to hear. The three little words that would save them.

That would save _her_.

Sam was on her knees in the muddy field, dangerously close to the fire. The flames cast a harsh orange glow over her terrified features; blue eyes turning gold in fire and fear. Another alien had a multi-jointed arm wrapped around her abdomen, making sure she couldn't escape.

The alien's claw-hand was hovering dangerously above her exposed neck, poised to cut.

"Carter…" Jack's desperate, ragged whisper was whipped away on the icy wind.

He had to say it! He had to tell her! It's what they wanted…they would let her go if he just said the three damn words that had defined his relationship with Sam for years.

If he didn't…they would kill her.

"Sir, don't! Don't say anything!" Sam yelled, defiant of the danger she was in.

She wouldn't let him do this. She wouldn't let him ruin his career…his _life_…just to save her.

"Jack! They'll kill her!" Daniel yelled, glasses askew, flames too close to his boots. "Stop being such a stubborn son of a bitch and just _say it_!" His eyes darted from Jack to Sam in panic.

'_I can't!' _Jack screamed in his head, willing the words to come out of his mouth. _'I would do anything! Please…please! Just let me say it!'_ He thrashed violently against the alien, but the creature only smile a wide-toothed, carnivorous smile and squeezed tighter.

Knowing that Jack wouldn't be able to speak, the alien's eyes narrowed and his lips curled smugly, tightening its grip even more. Jack's breath held in his lungs and his desperate voice caught in his throat. He tried to extricate himself…but it was no use.

He had failed. Three small, small words…

At that moment, Jack's eyes held Sam's and he knew.

Her eyes were wide and terrified. There was a glassiness to them that could only mean one thing.

Tears.

But, there was also resignation. She knew too. She knew there would be no miracle getaway. This was it.

She would die.

And it would be all his fault.

The tears falling unchecked from Jack's eyes were lost in the rain. Sam's eyes slipped shut and Daniel shouted. Teal'c had joined in the younger man's screams for release, but to no avail.

Jack watched the claw descend in slow motion. He screamed frantically, but his windpipe was being crushed and no sound came. The claw cut into her skin and dragged. Blood spurted, spraying across the ground, mixing with the mud and hissing in the fire.

'_No!'_ Jack raged against his captor. Darkness blurring his vision, he barely registered Daniel and Teal'c's screams as they were set aflame. Jack tried to reach for Sam and his fingers brushed her hair as blackness claimed him.

'_I love you.' _

Those three little words…and he could have saved them all.

**A/N: Let me know what you think! The next chapter's a bit confusing, so bear with me.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Letting Some Things Go**

**Disclaimer: Only my stuff is mine.**

**A/N: Part 2! Okay, so bear with me, guys.**

**ENJOY!!!**

The colonel's ragged cry tore through the trees, bouncing off the trunks. Sam froze, her blood turning to ice. Teal'c had been on watch when she had left her and the colonel's tent to use the 'bathroom.' Surely, nothing had happened…?

Sam grabbed her P-90 and ran full tilt back towards camp. The colonel _never_ screamed like that. In fact, Sam had never truly heard the man scream. Sam was sure that her heart was going to beat out of her chest. What would she find when she got back to camp? Would her team even be there?

Sam burst into the clearing, P-90 raised and safety off. Teal'c and Daniel were nowhere in sight. Forcing herself to move slowly and stealthily, she crept towards her tent. The colonel screamed again, this time louder and more anguished, and Sam abandoned her quiet approach. She ran the last few yards and ripped open the tent flap.

The only thing that stopped her from tripping over Daniel was Teal'c's steadying grip on her shoulder. Both men were kneeling on the floor, trying to restrain the flailing Jack O'Neill.

"What happened?" Sam demanded as she automatically moved to the colonel's side, pressing down on his shoulders.

"I don't know!" Daniel yelled over Jack's renewed cries. "You were only gone for a minute before this started! He's been screaming about something not being fair. About how it's his fault that we're…" Daniel trailed, eyes downcast.

"We're what, Daniel?" Sam said forcefully.

"He said that it's his fault that we're dead. He said that if he'd…" Daniel stopped again. He didn't want to tell Sam what he heard and by the look on Teal'c's face, he didn't either.

"He'd what?" Sam almost shouted.

Daniel opened his mouth to reply when Jack suddenly stiffened and his hands shot up to grab Sam's shoulders. She barely had time to let out a startled cry before he rolled and pinned her underneath him, eyes still closed.

"Sir!" Sam shouted at the same time that Daniel yelled, "Jack!" and Teal'c, "O'Neill!"

Jack's hands pinned Sam's above her head and he straddled her waist. His eyes fluttered, but didn't open. "I'll kill you." He hissed, voice raw with agony and tears. His grip tightened and he twisted his hips, bending Sam's spine painfully.

"Colonel!" she yelled, struggling with all her strength. But, with his weight and adrenaline-enhanced strength, she didn't stand a chance. Both Daniel and Teal'c were trying to pry him off of her, but they only succeeded in twisting her back further. Sam gasped in pain.

"You killed her." Jack breathed in a tone so full of hatred that Sam shuddered. "I'll kill you."

"Sir!" Sam yelled. "Jack! Please, we're here! We're all right here!"

Jack's brow furrowed, but his grip on her wrists loosened slightly and Sam yanked with all her might. Throwing her hands forward, she grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled his torso onto hers. He tried to keep himself upright, but Daniel and Teal'c's continued pulling threw him off balance.

He landed on top of her hard enough to knock the wind out of her, but she hardly noticed. "Open your eyes, Jack. Open your eyes; I'm here." Her voice was low and gravelly. Jack's body froze above her.

"Carter?" the whisper was harsh and unbelieving.

"Yes. Just open your eyes." She moved her hands to stroke his cheeks, giving him something to focus on; something that he could use as an anchor to come back to the waking world.

Jack exhaled sharply and his eyes flashed open, wild and dark. His hands were braced on either side of her head and his body was almost flat against hers.

"Sam?" He searched her face for any sign that she might not be real.

Sam smiled in unguarded relief. "Yes, sir."

"God…" he dropped his forehead against hers and his hands threaded through her hair. "Nightmare." He croaked.

"I know. But, it's over. You're out." Sam whispered, shivering when his breath tickled her face.

"No, it's not. It'll never be over." Jack whispered, his eyes holding hers.

Pain lanced through Sam's back again and, though she tried desperately to hide the wince on her face, Jack saw it and frowned. "Carter? What's…?" His eyes widened as he realized why she was in pain. "Oh, God, Sam, I'm sorry." Carefully releasing her hips, he rolled onto his back next to her. Though she'd never admit it, she missed the feel of his body terribly.

It didn't go unnoticed that Daniel and Teal'c were nowhere to be found.

Taking a deep breath and forcing her military mind into submission, Sam rolled onto her side and gingerly rested her cheek on Jack's shoulder. She watched him close his eyes reflexively and swallow hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

"Jack…" she started, but he shook his head.

"It's not over." He repeated his earlier words. She could see him trying to pull himself together; trying to put his emotionless mask back on.

"No." Sam agreed, knowing what he meant. The pain…the loneliness…they seemed like they would go on forever.

"We can't." He rasped, trying to half-heartedly pull away from her.

"Jack." She said firmly. Sam pushed herself onto her elbow and looked into his haunted face.

"No." He cut her off before she could speak, meeting her fiery gaze with equal intensity. "I won't let you get hurt because of me. I'm not worth it."

This was dangerous ground and they both knew it. If Sam hadn't been utterly pained by the bereft expression on his face, she would have realized that she was about to turn this situation into one of the biggest clichés in the book. You know…scary dream makes a person realize their true feelings?

"You are." Sam whispered with a sincerity that burned her throat.

"We can't talk about this." Jack's voice broke and he closed his eyes, steeling himself.

"I know." Sam said carefully. "But we're going to."

Jack's eyes snapped open. "Sam…" he reached up and ran a thumb over her cheek. When he pulled it away, he looked at it in near-wonderment. "You're crying."

Sam touched the tips of her fingers to her cheeks. Sure enough, they came away wet. When had she started crying? Sighing deeply, she lowered herself onto her back.

Several minutes passed in heavy silence. "You deserve better." Jack said so quietly, Sam wondered if he even spoke at all.

"But I want you." Sam paused. "I need you." Sam hated admitting that she was even remotely dependent on another person, but she knew that she needed him. Needed him to be by her side; needed him to be alive. More than that, she trusted him not to exploit her dependence on him.

"No, you don't." Jack insisted. "You can't…"

"Can't what?" Sam persisted. "Can't want you? Jack, you and I both know that the only reason we haven't done anything about this is because of the regulations."

"Which still apply." He pointed out, sounding more like his military self.

"Don't do this, Jack." Sam said, suddenly angry. "Don't you dare back away from this." She turned her head and found him watching her, an unreadable expression on his face. "I need to talk about this." She pleaded.

Jack watched her for another minute before rolling onto his side and pillowing his head on his arm. "I could retire." Jack started before she could say anything.

"No." Sam shook her head. "We need you here. I could leave the military; be a civilian scientist."

"No way." Jack frowned. "You've got too much of a future in the chain of command to do that."

Sam squeezed her eyes closed, face twisting into a pained, exasperated grimace. "Then what do we do? I can't keep this act up anymore."

Jack ran three fingers over her jaw and the ghost of a smile appeared on his face. "I know what we could do." Sam shivered slightly and waited for him to continue. "We could both _threaten_ to retire if they don't do away with the regs."

Sam looked at him incredulously. "Are you kidding?"

"For once, not at all." His smile grew wider. "It'll work. We've saved our world…and several others, I might add…hundreds of times. They need us on the frontlines."

"I don't know." Sam hesitated, searching his eyes.

"Trust me." He lowered his chin slightly, so that he was regarding her solemnly.

"I do." Sam answered without hesitation.

"So, it's settled?" Jack narrowed his eyes calculatingly. "You're sure this is what you want?"

"Yes." Sam smiled slightly at him.

Jack paused, letting his eyes roam over her face. "Since we've already figured out how to get rid of the regs…you think it'll be terrible if we do an experiment? See how flexible they really are?"

"Well…I _am_ a scientist, and I do so love experiments." Sam drawled in a slight southern accent.

"And I do so love you." Jack said seriously, his gaze unwavering.

Sam's smile faltered and her eyes widened. "You…love…me?" she repeated slowly, tasting the words. Jack stayed silent and merely continued to watch her. Her face suddenly brightened and an easy grin played across her lips. "I love you too."

"Sweet." Jack smiled briefly before slipping a hand under Sam's BDU shirt and pulling her to him. Pillowing her head with his other arm, he brought his face to hers. "To bending the rules."

Sam smiled. "To breaking them." Jack grinned back, then captured her lips with his own. He growled against her mouth and she let out a half-giggle, half-moan…which just made Jack growl again.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Daniel and Teal'c sat by the fire, watching the first few rays of the pale dawn shining through the leaves of the trees. Daniel was nursing a cup of coffee and staring fixedly at the golden flames dancing in the wind. Teal'c was also watching the fire intently, as though it would do a funny trick.

As Jack's low growl and Sam's answering giggle-moan drifted on the breeze to the team members' ears, Daniel shuddered. "I'm happy for them and all…but, I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Indeed." Teal'c agreed, still staring fixedly at the fire.

**A/N: The End! Please R&R!**


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